Prompt: You are in an office and the annual Office War is about to begin. You have less than an hour, a desk (w/ pullout drawers), rolling chair, computer, keyboard, mouse (old roller-type), mouse pad, stapler, staples, three hole puncher, desk lamp (old fashion bulb), rubber bands, paper clips, pushpins, envelopes, printer, printer paper, clicker pens, No. 2 pencils, a white eraser, highlighters, 15 ft. Ethernet cable, scientific calculator, engineering pad, corded desk phone, a gallon water jug, a tin of Altoids, a hot cup of coffee (in a ceramic mug), and a frozen 4 lb. steak. It’s either you or them, and remember you are a mechanical engineer, not a tinkerer. Go!
NOTE: DO NOT try or create any of these ideas at home. This is purely for fun and we will not be held responsible for your actions! Enjoy!
The alarms have sounded, the office war has officially begun. You wipe the citrus flavored energy drink from the edge of your mouth and put the computer on standby mode. Confidence oozes from your pores like hot molasses, you stare at the closed door in your office and announce without fear, “Come at me brethren!” Footsteps suddenly stop, and redirect towards your position. You put your plan into action.
- The Trap: You grab the hot mug of coffee and let its bitterness energize your blood stream. Looking for a cloth to wrap the mug, you decide the shirt on your back will do. Taking the metal 3 hole punch you smash the wrapped mug into jagged shards and sprinkle them at the entrance of your fortress (office) along with push pins facing up. And finally using the telephone cord to create a trip wire for any of your mates who will be bursting from your door.
- CQC (Close Quarters Combat): Eventually the bodies will pile up at the door and initial trap will prove to be ineffective, you need to ready to defend and attack directly. With the lamp shining bright you break the bulb filling the room with darkness. This will hinder the incoming attackers vision and allow you to use the faces of enemy’s as the resistance to complete open circuit of the lamp. Quickly you empty the drawers from your desk and disassemble them for a large wooden slab making for a wooden shield that can be strapped to your forearm with your computer mouse’s wire.
- The Steak Flail: You can’t stay plugged into the wall forever, you grab the frozen steak and tie it to the end of the 15 foot Ethernet chord and swing it like a medieval flail. For added protection, you take the Altoids tin and plastically deform it into a shiv to drive into the hearts of your enemies. Now armed with a long and short distance weapon and a shield, you work your way over all the bodies in your office and out the doors to victory.
Hopefully an office purge will never happen but my wish is that this article may somehow help you strategize and survive if it does. What would you do? Comment below, let me know.